The year's at the spring,
And day's at the morn;
Morning's at seven;
The hill-side's dew-pearled;
The lark's on the wing;
The snail's on the thorn;
God's in his Heaven -
All's right with the world!

-- Robert Browning, Pippa Passes

In fact it's autumn here but we all know the northern hemisphere rules the planet. Normally my cubicle is a reasonably quiet place just me and the dormouse who curls up in the wastepaper basket and if not sleeping is chewing on the occasional nut.

Working though the day's mail there are the usual offers from Nigeria to make me rich beyond comprehension. Never mind, there are also the three offers to place my web site on lists that will guarantee that my offerings will become the toast of the nation if not beyond. The dormouse opens a baleful eye and closes it again.

Leo occupies the cubicle three down from me, but most of the time he says he's out on assignment being an investigative journalist. A Carl Bernstein he ain't; he enjoys talking too much to listen for long to what he's being told. Leo also gets bored with his own company so when he is around he wanders in here as often as not, to the dormouse's annoyance who finds it hard to sleep when Leo launches his 90 kilos onto the groaning chair in the corner and starts off on his latest preoccupation.

"Been following the latest contortions in the world of higher education, research, development and innovation, Fred?"

He calls everyone, and almost everything Fred, says it saves him remembering useless nouns and tying up valuable neurons. The dishwasher in the communal kitchen's been Fred for years.

"Matters the dormouse and I have been examining and reexamining whenever the spirit moves us," says I.

"Which is...?"

"Very rarely." The dormouse snorts and turns over rattling the papers in the wastebasket. "What's the point when you have a Minister telling the academics they got no idea of what 'crisis' means and 'what are you whinging about, you got $20 billion in assets.' Then there's our Treasurer pointing out that securing the homeland requires a lot of resources and costs a lot of money so there ain't gonna be much left for upgrading anything. I read that as code for 'you'll get bugger all unless its politically expedient.' 'And don't forget the drought' which I think is the Cabinet sounding like a Greek chorus"

"Oh, dear, we are in a mood," says Leo sounding as patronising as he thinks he can get away with. "Haven't you seen the rumours that Dr Nelson has got Cabinet to agree to upping higher education funding by $1.5 billion."

"And?"

"And what?" Leo smiles.

"Common, Leo, the whole truth. What's the timeline, what are the caveats and where's the money coming from?"

"Well, $84 million this coming year, $1.2 billion from 2005-07. Don't know how they plan to generate the funds."

"You mean, don't look too closely," I tell him. "You do remember that the Senate published a 450 page report, Universities in Crisis, in September, 2001. But of course they would say that since the Government doesn't control the Senate."

"Took the words from my mouth, Fred."

"Leo, the Australian Vice-Chancellor's Committee came out saying the sector needed an additional $1 billion immediately, and that funding should ramp up to 2% of GDP by 2020. Have you got an idea of what 2% of GDP is?"

"You mean in dollars?"

"Right on, Leo, coin of the Commonwealth."

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me."

"Yeah. Total GDP currently is $770 billion, give or take a few, so..."

"Thank you, Fred, 2% of that is $15.4 billion. What's it now, in coin of the Commonwealth?"

"According to the figures Dr. Nelson published in Higher Education at the Crossroads, total university income for 2000 was $9.3 billion, about 1.2% of GDP. So using arithmetic even the dormouse could cope with, that would be an average annual increment over the next 17 years of $360 million based on current GDP. Incidentally the Federal government grant was about $4.8 billion, say 52% of the total."

Leo looks at me, "Fred, old son, what are you whinging about, ok it's a slow start but  $1.5 billion over the next four years comes to $375 million a year."

"Sure do, but $1,000 million this coming year and $375 million for the next three to get us to 2006-07 would come to $2.125 billion but what's $625 million here or there. And of course we are assuming that the $1.5 billion is real additional funding. What happens after 2007 -- well that's two elections down the track, not worth considering."

"Fred, didn't your good mother ever tell you not to look too closely at gift horses' dentitions. Besides I'd expect the private sector to ante up as well."

"Well, maybe you're right -- if the incentives were put in place. On the other hand you've forgotten that over two years ago, December, 2000, the Group of Eight summarised its viewpoint regarding research and development,

'[T]he additional investment required over five years (2001-02 to 2005-06) is $4.2 billion from business, $6.75 billion from the Commonwealth and $2.7 billion from other non-Commonwealth sources. This increase in R&D investment could be phased in so that, for example, the Commonwealth contribution would start at $450 million in 2001-02 and rise to $2.25 billion in 2005-06.'

"So 26 months down the track we're still getting governmental flimflam and rearrangement of the furniture. The latest escapade is the National Science 'Stocktake' the Mapping of Australia's Science and Innovation Activities, sussing out Australia's R&D infrastructure."

"Sounds a perfectly sensible thing to do, Fred, why the wry smile?"

"It's not what's being done it's the way, another of those incestuous exercises."

"Sounds, exciting," says Leo. "My breath is baited."

"OK, Leo, how about: 1/ the assessment will be done by Dr. Nelson's Departmental staff working primarily from existing material; 2/ there will be a 20 member reference group which will meet say three times, render advice but have no say in the final report; 3/ no objective assessment comparable to last year's UK effort will be done and,  4/ no, don't bother sending submissions, not required thank you.

    "So, Mr. Investigative Reporter, what's your resolution to all of this?"

"Fred, it's not rocket science: develop a strategy that's appropriately long term that involves the academics, researchers, the actively interested private sector, has objective media coverage, is bipartisan and for God's sake get an objective and thorough survey of the sector from competent analysts."

"Good one, Leo, "The Minister gets a 178 page report on The Change in Academic Work which tells him that the academic workplace has degraded markedly in the past two decades and he all but buries it hoping no one's looking.

Leo looks pityingly at me, "Common, Fred, that's in a Minister's job description. But having said that, I've been thinking about what you said the other day."

"You were listening? What did I say."

"That the portfolios of Education, Science and Training were the most important in government and the most critical to the wellbeing of the Nation."

"And?"

Leo half turns away, looks at the dormouse who's got his chin resting on the rim of the wastebasket and is staring right back, "You're right."

"Care to elaborate."

"No, yes, most important for the long term wellbeing of the Nation, but I guess neither Dr. Nelson nor any of the Cabinet realises that." Then after a pause, "but I'm not sure how important it would be to them if they did."

"Oh?"

Heaving himself out of the chair he moves to the door saying, "Having such a view probably isn't expedient or politically useful I suppose, then I suppose neither is bipartisanship; toujours gai, Fred, toujours gai," and he heads off to the communal kitchen.

The dormouse burrows down into the middle of the papers for a long kip.
 

God's in his Heaven -
All's right with the world!

Alex Reisner
The Funneled Web